Adventures in Awful: Ditching People for Tools

Post written by Pete Strub.

photo courtesy of thisisbossi

I ditched you last Thursday. But you shouldn’t feel bad: you’re not alone. I ditched my friends on a cider-making date; I ditched friends on our football watching the following day; I ditched friends going to the movies. I ditched church; I ditched my diet (not that I normally eat well, but I survived the last 2 weeks on a straight Mountain Dew diet); I ditched things that I’d rather not report publicly; and I even ditched Bridget (but not in the “I’m leaving you” way, just in the “I’m not spending quality time with you” way). Clearly, you are in good company because God, Bridget, friends, and football are some of the most important things in my life. So do you feel better about being ditched yet? Probably not because being ditched stinks and I realize that, and it’s something I tend to do a little too frequently. Therefore, this week’s Adventure in Awful is my bad habit of ditching people.

Before we start, you need to know what causes these sprees of irresponsible and inconsiderate behavior. The first cause is that I tend to overestimate my ability to finish things quickly, especially house projects. The second cause is that once I start something, I have to finish it before I can move on with the rest of my life. Last February, for example, my wife and I decided we would remodel our bathroom. I estimated that we should be able to finish the project (which included a new tub with plumbing, a tile floor, removing wallpaper, painting, a new vanity, a new toilet, a new exhaust fan, new lighting, refinishing a door, new molding, and hanging new décor) over the course of February break – one week. Needless to say the project wasn’t finished until April and it hung over my head like a gray winter sky for the entire two months I was working on it. No matter what I was doing, all I could think about was finishing the bathroom project. As a result, I became quite irresponsible with relationships and responsibilities for those two months. You would think after this experience that I would have been better prepared to deal with this during my most recent remodeling project, our bedroom, but I must not have learned anything.

On October 24th, I decided that I was going to remodel our bedroom for Bridget’s birthday, which was November 3rd, a mere 10 days later. I figured that removing wallpaper, painting, new lighting, buying new bedding and curtains, and fixing the door would only take a couple of days, so I decided to make a bed while I was at it because how hard could that be? Let’s just say that if I was a contractor for a construction company who had to estimate times for project completion, I would drive the company into bankruptcy within a year, guaranteed. Anyway, that first day, October 24th should have been a clue that the project would not be so quick and easy because I spent the entire day shopping for the bedding, area rug, curtains, and paint. Who knew color coordination could be so hard?

Over the next week, I worked on removing wallpaper and cursing the idiot who invented that awful stuff. Before I knew it, I had already used seven of my ten days and had almost nothing accomplished. This is when my need to finish the project began to kick in. When I go into this mode, everything takes a back seat to whatever I am focusing on. I wrote ninety percent of my college essays in this mode, usually at three or four o’clock in the morning. That next weekend, Halloween weekend, I began ditching everything and everyone. I skipped church, skipped out on two different hang out times with friends that I had already agreed to, and said no to a chance to go to the movies on Monday. It was all downhill from there. At work I began operating at about fifty percent capacity. At home I ignored piles of laundry and dishes (normally things I wouldn’t let slide). I stopped praying and reading my Bible for a couple of days. I avoided my phone even more than I normally do, and when Wednesday night rolled around, I was polyurethaning the wood for the bed when I was supposed to be writing an article for you.

This past weekend, I pulled an all-nighter and finished up the project, even painting an extra room (ah, ambition) while I was at it. In the end, I was pretty happy with the results, but I also knew that I had a lot of fixing to do at work, with God, with friends, and with Bridget because of my complete focus on the project. I really wasn’t quite sure what to make of the whole thing. Is it good that I have the ability to focus and work hard at something for that long, or is it bad because I put the project before people and things in my life that are more important? Predictably, the answer is probably a little bit of both. Being able to focus and work hard on something is probably a good quality, but I realized that the way I ditch everything else in my life is probably a result of pride or self-reliance – my desire to accomplish things on my own apart from God or anyone else. Self-reliance and pride are dangerous and sneaky. They are destructive things that pretend to be good. They can help people accomplish great and remarkable things, but they have a high cost. For my part, I know I need to trust that, even when I’m working on a project, I need to keep doing the important things in my life, like building relationships, praying, and eating something other than Reeses and soda.

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Made to be busy

Post written by Pete Strub. Pete writes a weekly article published every Thursday.

photo courtesy of Daniel Morris

Why does busyness gain people prestige? We applaud people for their busyness as if it takes special talent to fill a calendar with meetings and obligations. When people are in a hurry, their level of importance elevates and those not gifted enough to be busy stand back out of the way of the hurry-ers and marvel at their enviable stress level. Then it gets confusing: these same people we marvel at for their ability to be busy will, inevitably, lament their busyness in any conversation you have with them. Then they wonder why their marriage, family, and personal sanity disintegrate. I think we’re all smart enough to realize that busyness makes no sense, but we keep doing it anyway. Why?

Maybe if I just do more… Do you know what you’re supposed to do with your life? I think we are all created with a basic purpose, a basic thing we are made to do. Intrinsically, we all know we are supposed to have a purpose or a reason to live, but I would argue that most people go through life without ever really figuring out what that purpose is. The reason? Busyness. That feeling inside of us that tells us our lives need to mean something causes most people to just take on more commitments to fill that need for purpose, kind of like thinking that if they just do more stuff it will increase their chances of doing something meaningful. So, we take on more responsibility at our job, we do volunteer work, we try to get a promotion, we have family commitments, we have commitments with friends, we have hobbies, and the purpose we are created for gets choked out.

Just a couple of things: I think I know what I’m supposed to do with my life. For the past year, I have been working through a lot of ideas about what my life is supposed to look like and I’m starting to get the picture. I think I am here on the planet to do just a couple of things – write and speak. There are other things that I need to do like be a good husband, be a good teacher (considering they pay me for that one), and there are other things I should do like give time and money to help others, be a good friend, and many other things. But I understand better than ever that those “many other things” can never get in the way of what I am created to do.

What to do: Do you know what you were made to do? If you do, or if you have an idea of what it is, are you letting busyness get in the way? Do you find yourself making excuses (if I don’t work overtime, how can we afford our new car. If I don’t volunteer for this, who will?)? If that’s you, then stop making excuses and get rid of busyness. Treat it like the marriage/family/life ruiner that it is. And if you don’t know what you were made to do, it is even more important to get rid of busyness. You will never figure out what you are really supposed to do if all of your time and effort are spent on other things.

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Today is a Gift

Post written by Steve Otto. Follow me on Twitter.

photo courtesy of nattu

This past Sunday between worship songs our Pastor shared an amazing nugget of wisdom that was so profound I could have gone home right then and the service would have been well worth attending. I certainly enjoy hearing his messages, which are full or practical, biblical advice on how to live the abundant life that God has planned for you, but once in a while it’s just one phrase that will really hit you.

I don’t have this quoted perfectly, but here is what he shared:

One of the hardest things to do for people is to live in the present. We generally have our thoughts focused either on things that have happened to us in the past, or something that is coming up in the future. It’s very difficult to be completely focused on what is going on right now.

- Pastor Robert Reeves

Think about it. I’m sure this morning when you woke up, you were already thinking about what your plans are for the day. Even as you are reading this, you probably have a few things on your mind that you need to attend to as soon as you finish this article.

Each night when we go to bed, my wife has to re-run everything that happened throughout that day before she can fall asleep. And most of the time, she recalls tasks that we didn’t get too and gently reminds me of a few priorities we need to complete tomorrow.

A time for planning and a time for now. There is certainly some value to remembering the past and planning for the future, but it depends on what is going on at the time, as to whether or not you should be focusing on the present. During our church worship, it is most noticeable to me that my mind tends to wander and fast forward to all of the upcoming activities for the week. But it is during this time that I should be most focused on the present. Worship is spending time with God. It is praising God. It is being in relationship with Him. How would any other person enjoy my blank stare as my mind wanders off while I’m spending time with them?

In the movie, Kung Fu Panda, Po (the Giant Panda) gets some similar advice from his master:

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.

- Master Oogway

Here are a few quick practical steps to enjoying right now:

1. Set aside time for planning. Come up with a time each week or each day even when you can plan out your upcoming activities. Amy and I try to meet Sunday evenings and plan out our week. We schedule date night, special activities with the kids, wedding planning meetings, and any other important activities.

2. Write them down. Sometimes it’s difficult to move on or focus on the present when you have something on your mind. You might struggle getting to sleep because you are worried you might forget something important coming up, so your mind doesn’t seem to let it go. Keep a notepad or moleskin on your nightstand so you can write it down and then let it go.

3. Being Grateful. Sometimes our kids act a little crazy. Okay, sometimes a lot crazy. Being a parent is not always easy. But when I remember how blessed I am as a father to have two healthy, wonderful kids, I enjoy my time with them more. I’m not thinking about them growing up faster so that they will magically change and be better kids. It’s good for me to remember that my son is only 4 years old and its normal for him to tie a rope around our car antenna and the other end to his bike. Then I can actually laugh as the bike gets dragged down the driveway as I pull out. The same is true with a lot of things. If I am focused on what I don’t have, my mind is wandering about – trying to figure out how I can change my situation. But as I keep a spirit of gratitude, I enjoy where I’m at right now.

4. Breathe. Sometimes we need to just breathe. Try it right now. A deep slow breath. Just enjoy the air you are breathing in and what a gift life is.

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Meet Me Halfway

Post written by Steve Otto. Follow me on Twitter.

If you’ve ever planned on meeting someone for lunch and tried to come up with a meeting place, you know how difficult it can be to find a halfway point for both of you as well as a reputable place to actually meet that is close to the halfway point.

That’s where Mezzoman comes in. Simply type in your two addresses and you’ll see a map come up with a pinpoint of the midpoint for the two of you. What’s even better is that it uses a pretty descent driving route to determine the midpoint, rather than choosing it by the crow flies.

It adds some further goodness by allowing you to type in the type of venue you would like to meet at in the search field. So you can easily find all of the nearby pizza joints or coffee shops within a short distance of your halfway point.

Once you find the location, just click on the directions link and you’re on your way.

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How you could be using iGoogle

iGoogle Anywhere: One of the first things I like about iGoogle is that I can access it anywhere I have access to a computer. Not only that, but everything stays in sync for me: if I make a change at work, I will see it at home. I have iGoogle as my home page on all my browers. So no matter where I am (work, home, friend’s house) I can see my iGoogle homepage (or at least login and see it) and have instant access to everything I need.

Overview: There are a lot of uses for iGoogle, and I’m not going to cover them all. But I’d like to highlight two main uses I have for iGoogle: A Homepage and News Feeds. iGoogle allows you to setup tabs, which gives you the ability to have multiple pages setup. I use my first tab as my Homepage and the rest of the tabs to organize my News Feeds.

Homepage: The first use, is a sort of homepage, or dashboard, or command center. Here is where I setup a quick snapshot of daily information I need. iGoogle allows you to search for, and install ‘gadgets’. You can find a gadget for just about anything, and arrange them however you like on your iGoogle page.

Here is what my homepage looks like:
(Click for a larger view)

For example, one of the gadgets I have is for weather:

I also have gadgets for Movies in my area, Twitter, Bookmarks, Bible Passage Search, etc.

I’d like to explain a little more about the Bookmarks gadget, because this is very useful. The Bookmarks gadget allows me to create a name and hyperlink for any website I want to keep track of. I currently have about 50+ bookmarks listed. Basically I create a bookmark for any website I frequent and would like access to from anywhere, without having to remember the url address.

News Feeds: The second use I have for iGoogle is my news feeds. The rest of my tabs are different categories of news feeds. The first tab, being my favorites, which are basically a combination of all of the hobbies I’m into.

(click for a larger image)

I currently have news feeds for Apple/Mac blogs, Parenting blogs, Tech blogs (Gizmodo & Lifehacker), Wedding blogs, Photoshop & Illustrator blogs (Smashing Magazine, Hongkiat, PSHero), and Small Business blogs (Duct Tape Marketing, Seth Godin). In a future post, I explain how to add these news feeds to your iGoogle pages.

Well, those are two simple, but very valuable uses for iGoogle. Look for an upcoming post, explaining how to setup iGoogle or find out more here.

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Inbox Zero

I came across Inbox Zero from Merlin Mann’s website – 43 Folders about a year ago and it has certainly made a difference in the amount of email clutter I have.

A few of the key changes I made after reading the Inbox Zero article and watching Merlin Mann’s video presentation are as follows (in my own words):

Learning to delete: Learn to delete emails that you don’t need right away. We have this funny trait of wanting to hang on to emails forever. I try to lean on the side of being very conservative with what I keep.

Act immediately: This is probably the number one obstacle we need to overcome in order to achieve Inbox Zero. I used to read emails and then let them sit there for a while before doing what I needed to. But now, if I receive an email, I try to ‘process it’ right away. If its something I can do right now rather quickly, then I do so, allowing me to delete the email and get rid of it.

One Archive Folder: Aside from my business emails, I took Merlin’s advice and now only use one ‘Archive’ email folder. I realized I don’t need some huge, complex hierarchy system of folders to archive all my emails. Most email searches will easily find the email I’m looking for so now I just store them all in one folder.

Merlin Mann gives a lot of other great advice, which is absolutely worth your time reading or watching so be sure to check it out.

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