Sheep & Goats

Post written by Steve Otto. Follow me on Twitter.

photo courtesy of Clevergrrl

In Matthew 25, Jesus shares with us an amazing story about falling into one of two categories. Either we will be recognized as one of his sheep and placed on his right, or we will be seen as a goat and placed on his left.

The Sheep and the Goats
31″When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. 32All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

34″Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

37″Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

40″The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.’

41″Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’

44″They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’

45″He will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’

46″Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”

To be honest, I struggled with this passage for a while after reading through it because it went against one principle I understand as a Christian – that we cannot earn our salvation. There is nothing we can do that will earn us a spot in heaven. We can do no amount of good deeds. We could do no amount of sacrifice, or offer gifts of love, or courageous acts that would result in us earning our name in the book of life. Only by confessing your sins and accepting Christ Jesus into your heart and becoming a follower of Him, will you find yourself living eternally in Heaven.

Well this passage, seems to point out that if you fail to feed the hunger, invite in a stranger, clothe the naked, or visit the sick in prison, you are doing this for Christ and will be considered righteous in His eyes and one of his sheep. And those who don’t, well, you end up as a barbecued goat. Certainly this is not anyone’s goal, and I don’t think it’s uncommon for Christians to second guess their eternity.

There are a few things that I’d like to point out about this passage.

Flip it around. These actions are not what you need to do to become a sheep. These actions are actually a byproduct of being a sheep. Jesus isn’t saying that in order to get into heaven, you need to do these things. He is recognizing his sheep because they did these things. Let me explain that a little better. If you give your life to Christ and truly experience a life change as a result of following Jesus, these sort of actions will be the natural outward expression of your love and obedience to Christ. You will have a desire to do these things out of your love for Christ and what the Bible teaches us. So these are indications of a Christ Follower, not rules to become one.

It’s healthy to wonder. I believe it’s healthy to wonder a little which stable you would fall into. It’s a good thing to wonder if you are following God’s plan for your life. Every now and then you should stop and do a spiritual assessment of your life. Are there clear examples in my life of acting like a sheep, or would I consider myself a goat right now?

Get your focus right. If you find that you more closely resemble a goat in your spiritual assessment than a sheep, what should you focus on? As I explained above, the actions are not the goal, but rather the indicator of whether you are a sheep or goat. In the same way, you need to focus on the source, rather than trying to do the actions. Do you have little to no desire to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, or visit those in prison? Then maybe that is an indicator that you are not reading your word enough. Jesus is the source of that love manifesting itself into obedience and action. My guess is that when you spend more time reading God’s Word and spending intimate time in prayer, your heart will become closer to God and you’ll desire the things that God does. So don’t focus on getting out there and doing things. Focus on getting tapped back into the Spring. Tap back into God’s heart. And then watch these things naturally begin to flow out of you.

Start small. Both with your time with God and carrying out his will, by doing the deeds he mentions in Matthew 25, understand that it is okay to start small. Anytime you try to make an extreme change, you oftentimes end up in failure. If you have not worked out in 3 years and decide to go out and run a marathon tomorrow you will surely find yourself frustrated, in pain, and ready to go back to sitting on the couch. So start by reading just chapter a day – maybe even just a paragraph or two from God’s Word – if you haven’t been doing so. Turn to God for a few minutes each morning, rather than trying to get up an hour early. And when it comes to doing the things of a sheep, start by doing something locally, rather than planning a huge overseas mission’s trip. Don’t paralyze yourself by setting your goals too high. Those who are faithful in the small things, God will entrust with bigger.

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Finding the right Church

Post written by Steve Otto. Follow me on Twitter.

photo courtesy of Jim Linwood

This past weekend we attended our church membership class in which the Pastor shared many different aspects about the church so we could make an informed decision about becoming official members. We have been attending for the past year and have already experienced the way the church operates, but were able to hear the philosophy behind how the church runs. We were able to put words to what we’ve seen for the past year.

I grew up in a Christian home and have been a part of many different churches during my lifetime. I find it intriguing how different churches operate, and primarily what their leadership model is. The vast majority of churches have a leadership model in which the Pastor is at the top of the pyramid, followed by a council, team of elders, then the ministry leaders, and then at the bottom of the pyramid you find the members and attenders. There are varying degrees to the separation between the Pastor and members and how they implement that hierarchy.

I’ve been in and heard of churches where the Pastor actually holds some sort of celebrity status and considers his elders his personal body guards and I’ve been in churches where you don’t even realize who the Pastor is until he steps up to the podium, because he’s off serving somewhere or doing some activity that you would never expect a Pastor to.

While I realize that each person has their own style of worship and church atmosphere that works best for them, let me share one of the most beautiful examples of a church that we have experienced for the past year and had the chance to see that painted into a picture.

This is a picture of what the typical church looks like. I’ll call this the Status Model. The interesting thing is that I think a lot of churches like to refer to themselves as the next example, but fall into this category. Many pastors fall closer to this model however, where they are the head and everyone falls below them. I don’t think this usually happens because of bad motives, but when this is the case, it’s a completely different experience from the next example. While most of the churches I have been in that followed this experience were a good experience, I didn’t realize what I was missing until I experienced the next model.

I’ll call this model the Servants Model. This is the model we have experienced for the last year at Rochester Calvary Assembly (which is actually in Chili) and we actually find ourselves in disbelief that this can actually happen. Pastor Bob has such a humble, servant’s attitude and he is one of the most genuine people I have ever met. The best way I can express the difference is that with this model, the Pastor is much more of a shepherd. It’s not a very easy thing to describe, but it’s also not something you can disguise. Again, I’ve heard pastors describe the servants model but exercise the status model. It doesn’t take long to figure out what model a church uses. You can often determine it simply from their website.

When a church uses the servants model, you find it exactly a place like Calvary Assembly has created, “a safe place to find faith, friends, and your future”. If you are not currently attending a church I encourage you to look desperately for one that fits the Servants Model. When we were searching for a new church, it was not easy. It was discouraging. We found church after church that just didn’t feel like home. But in the end, the change was so worth it. Our new home brings us new life. We are designed for community and I think the Servants Model best fits God’s desire for that community.

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Have You Lost Your Passion?

Post written by Steve Otto. Follow me on Twitter.

photo courtesy of a noz

My wife and I enjoy the opportunity to provide wedding entertainment and we are in wedding season full force right now. With almost every weekend booked up until October, except for several we set aside for family vacations, we have the chance to be a part of the most special day of many people’s lives. It is an incredible experience.

One Event. Many Vendors. I’m guessing by now, you’ve been a guest at many weddings in your life. You’ve seen the Bride walk down the aisle holding her Father’s arm. Watched as the Bride and Groom stare into each others eyes during their first dance. And at the end of the night, hear them drive off into the sunset with the amusing sound of clanging cans on strings dragging behind their car. Of course, making the entire day happen requires a lot of hands. At a typical reception, there are a lot of people involved: The Wait Staff, the Entertainment, Photographer, Videographer, Florist, someone who made the Cake, and many others.

A Job or a Passion? We’ve had the benefit of working with all kinds of vendors at many receptions over the years and made a lot of friends in the wedding industry. But there is one thing we find very sad – and that’s when we come across a vendor who has lost their passion. I suppose it’s quite possible they never had their passion in the first place. It amazes me how someone can take for granted the event that they are apart of. Occasionally, we all have a bad day. Maybe some other area of your life is having problems. But as soon as Amy and I are setup and guests start arriving, we are completely focused on making the day as perfect as it can be for the Bride and Groom and their guests. Our experience with other vendors is not always the same.

One Grumpy Photographer. At a recent wedding we were a part of, we worked with a photographer who I had worked with once before. I had a pretty bad experience with him the last time, but had hoped that he was just having a bad day and failed to leave it at home. However, we quickly found this was his normal demeanor. One of our biggest pet peaves is when a wedding vendor forgets what a special day this is and simply wants to do the bare minimum and then flee the event. Enter Mr. Grumpy. From the second he arrived at the reception he started his all too familiar routine – asking what the agenda was and seeing if we could modify things. His goal was to clearly move any event that required his photography skills to as early as possible so he could leave as soon as possible.

I should back up to the ceremony. Our first surprise came after the ceremony completed and one of the Grandparents was sitting just inside and was hesitant to go outside, which was a bit windy at the time, for pictures. His response to here was, “What else do you expect me to do. I can’t control the weather. Come on. Outside!” We were shocked.

Studio Man. Our other clue that this photographer had lost his passion was his lack of care in performing his job. I am not a photographer, but I have been blessed to work with many amazing photographers over the years and you start to notice and admire certain skills the elite photographers have in their craft. First off, the amazing photographers don’t seem to care about time. They are their for the entire event and want to capture every last moment. Also, the amazing photographers are able to capture the emotion in just about any moment without interfering with the moment. Studio Man lacks this skill or at least doesn’t wish to exert the energy for this. As soon as I announced any moment, such as the first dance, father/daughter dance, or cake cutting, Studio Man was instantly there interrupting the moment to force a pose. It was not uncommon for him to actually step forward (picture this during one of the dances) and pose their faces. It was clear that this guy belonged in a studio where he could pose and turn faces all he wants.

He actually said that. At one point after one of the pictures he attempted was foiled (I don’t want to share too many details so as to keep him anonymous), I tried to offer some empathy. He returned that with telling me that by not doing all of the special dance events and garter and bouquet tossing events immediately that the bride, groom, and their parents look like @#$%. Because they have been dancing and having fun, they now look horrible, and the pictures would come out awful. This was the same reasoning he gave me at my last event when he tried to rewrite the entire agenda the bride and groom had planned out. My wife shared later on that she was tempted to ask him (as he was trying to pressure her as well to change the agenda as well) if we should do their last dance immediately following their first dance so they would still look good.

The real issue. I actually pondered over the idea that the pictures may not look good, for quite some time, because my goal is to work as a team player and have the best day possible for the bride and groom. The best thing I could do is compare our other events to the ones working with Studio Guy. I’ve never had any other photographer complain about poor pictures because of the similar agenda we use. In fact I just recently got an email from a terrific photographer we worked with in Saratoga Springs, Mark Sweeney, that read “Alice and Mike came by last night to pick up their proof album and we were all in agreement that you were fantastic!” The key difference is that Mark was their for the event, not himself. He wasn’t Studio Guy posing everything. He floated around and was able to capture magical images. He wasn’t looking at his watch and using the excuse lie that if we didn’t do every photography event immediately, then the the bride and her father would look like profanity. The real issue is that Studio Guy wanted to get his work done and get out of there as quickly as possible. The real issue is that he had lost his passion.

I lost my cool. After being the target of several profanities and redirected anger because I was the one responsible for keeping him there longer than he wanted (I chose to put the bride and groom first instead of his wishes), I finally lost my cool with Grumpy Studio Guy. In response to hearing how all the people in his pictures were going to look like @#%# for the fourth time, as politely as I could muster, I finally told him that I worked with many incredible photographers whose pictures come out amazing and I’d be happy to pass their names on to him so they could give him some tips. As you can image, that didn’t go over quite too well. He immediately defaulted to defending his reason for moving everything up and assured me it wasn’t because he wanted to leave early. He explained that he didn’t work by the hour and that he could care less if the pictures were crappy because it wasn’t his wedding. I replied, “That’s a terrific point. This is NOT your wedding. And perhaps in your case you should start charging by the hour.” I couldn’t understand what he said after that as he cut through the dance floor pulling his photography bag behind him. I wish I could have let it go, but I have little patience for someone who is so uncaring about such an important day for someone else and I will stand up for the Bride and Groom every time.

What to do if you’ve lost your passion. If you have lost your passion at something, here are a few quick steps you can do to regain your passion:

1. Be Honest with Yourself. Admit that you are in a field or job that you aren’t passionate about. Stop making excuses as to why you want to leave early, or why your pictures are coming out poorly. Start with yourself.
2. Take your mind off of yourself. Take a moment and remember why you are there and the reason behind what you are doing. If you are only worried about your own time and self, chances are you’ll lose site of the bigger picture.
3. Get Creative. It’s easy to slowly lose your passion if you have been doing the same job, the same way, year after year. Come up with new ideas to try. Work to improve yourself and come up with fun ideas to make your job more enjoyable. Your enjoyment will spill over into success.
4. Get Inspired. Sometimes you need to look to others for inspiration. See how the best performers in your field are doing it. Talk with them. Get a mentor. Ask them what motivates them. Read magazines or books on your field. There are countless resources available if you are willing to invest some time.
5. Quit. If all else fails and you find you just can’t be creative or new, and after you have been honest with yourself you find you are still simply a Grumpy Studio Guy, then I would recommend quitting. It is far worse to have a negative impact on other people and do a poor job (especially for someone’s wedding day), not to mention you appear to be making yourself miserable. Invest some time into determining what your real passion is and then layout the steps to achieve that.

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Advice from Optimus Prime

Post written by Steve Otto. Follow me on Twitter.

photo courtesy of RoninKengo

Optimus Prime is a the leader of the Autobots, a faction of heroic Transformers from the planet Cybertron who wage their battles against the evil forces of the Decepticons for control of their homeworld, and by extension, peace in the universe. Optimus Prime is depicted as a heroic, brave and compassionate character who puts all his talent to use to improve the world around him. Optimus has a strong sense of justice and righteousness, and has dedicated himself to the protection of all life, particularly the inhabitants of Earth; he will battle his foes with unyielding resolve to uphold this belief. (according to wikipedia).

I have not seen Transformers 2 yet, but I look forward to watching it, probably as part of a Guy’s Movie Night. On the movie trailer, you hear one of Optimus Prime’s incredible quotes:

Fate rarely calls upon us at a moment of our choosing

- Optimus Prime

Optimus is completely right. There are milestones in our life that we know are coming, but many times we face situations in our life that we had no idea we would confront when we woke up that morning. You can’t exactly plan for specific things, but there are some things you can do to prepare for these moments in general.

Become a Jumper. Ever notice how many times when something happens to a person in public, everyone stands around? If a passerby falls of their bike in front of a crowd, everyone looks down at them and feels bad, but no one steps in to help the person up. Learn to jump in and help. Let this become second nature to you. Always be looking for people to help and then help. Don’t stand there and let your mind take over. You’ll be come flooded with justifications as to why you don’t need to help. They might feel embarrassed if I step in. Well guess what, they already feel embarrassed and could probably use some encouragement.

Know Your Priorities. When it comes to having to make a quick decision that will greatly impact your life, you should already know what your priorities are. If you are offered a new position at work that will require an extra 15 hours a week, you need to know where that falls on your list. If you are single, maybe it’s a great opportunity. But if your kids are just starting school, then perhaps this isn’t the right season to move up the corporate ladder. By knowing your priorities, you are able to take the emotion out of a decision and make a better choice. A new title may sound fun and exciting, but knowing your involvement in your children’s lives is most important right now makes it an easy choice.

Know what defines you. Many decisions we face are not easy. There is usually an easy way out, which is often the wrong way, or you can take the high road which is often more difficult. So know what character you have, or what character qualities you are striving for. Is it Integrity? Compassion? Courage? What you do in these situations defines you. If you choose to look the other way when a co-worker is stealing, then you are giving away your Integrity. If you fail to jump in and help someone who is being harassed, then you are giving away your Courage. And if walk past a homeless person without giving them money, then you are saving a few bucks but selling out your Compassion.

Looking Back. Its not easy to always do the right thing. I have often failed at many of the examples I gave above. Just recently I was visiting Boston and walked right past a homeless man without giving him a dime. I didn’t have any cash on me (which was my justification at the time), but I failed to take a quick minute to hit an ATM. And now his face haunts me. Make the hard choices right now, they define who you are, and you can’t get those moments back. As Optimus says, they won’t come at an opportune time, so work on the things above so you can make the right choice.

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You are the Problem!

Post written by Steve Otto. Follow me on Twitter.

photo courtesy of purpleslog

I’m finishing up what might be one of the longest books that I have taken to read. The book is about 300 pages, but for some reason it is taking me a long time to finish. Partly because I’m now spending my once-used reading time to blog, and partly because the 300 pages could have been trimmed down to about 100, in my opinion.

The book is Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend. While it does seem to be quite lengthy (I’m sure these authors never got the red pen markings that read ‘expand’ on their high-school essays) it has some very valuable lessons throughout the book.

I want to touch on one of those today. In Chapter 11, the authors talk about the Law of Power.

Law of Power: You only have the power to change yourself. You can’t change another person. You must see yourself as the problem, not the other person. To see another person as the problem to be fixed is to give that person power over you and your well-being. Because you cannot change another person, you are out of control. The real problem lies in how you are relating to the problem. You are the one in pain, and only you have the power to fix it.

Boundaries by Cloud & Townsend – Pg 209.

They give some great advice here. Everyone of us faces conflict or a difficult situation at some point. And its very easy to see others as the problem. But you need to realize that you are the problem. Or at least, you are the solution. At another point in the chapter they talk about difficulties with your job or boss. They explain that you need to set the boundaries and if they aren’t respected, you need to start polishing your resume, searching job postings, and finding another position where your boundaries will be respected.

You see, you don’t have control over other people. You do have control over your boundaries. So you need to set your limits, and if the other person respects them, then great. If not, you need to make the changes so that you stay healthy. It will not always result in looking for a new job (in our workplace situation). It may be as simple as refusing to associate with a disrespectful co-worker until they choose to treat you with respect.

So once you realize that you are the problem, then you have the ability to make the changes in your life that will help your well-being.

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Advice from a once Homeless Man: 7 Principles to Live By

Post written by Steve Otto. Follow me on Twitter.

photo courtesy of Franco Folini

Catalyst is an organization that was created to have a leadership event that is focused on the new generation of church leaders. They also have a podcast, I believe bi-weekly, that features some of today’s most amazing Christian leaders. In this interview, they interview Andy Andrews.

Here is a portion of Andy’s biography from his website:

Andrews lived a relatively normal life until the age of nineteen, when both his parents died—his mother from cancer, his father in an automobile accident. “I took a bad situation and made it much worse,” Andrews says with a rueful smile, referring to choices he made during this tragic period of his life. Within a span of several years, the young man found himself literally homeless (”before that was even a word!” he says), sleeping occasionally under a pier on the gulf coast or in someone’s garage.

It was at that time when Andrews asked the question that would focus his search for what would ultimately affect millions of people. The question? “Is life just a lottery ticket, or are there choices one can make to direct his future?” To find the answer, he first went to the library. There, over time, he read more than two hundred biographies of great men and women. How did they become the people they were? he wondered. Were they simply born this way? Or were there decisions made at critical junctures in their lives that led to such success? The young Andrews finally determined that there were seven characteristics that each person had in common. “What will happen,” he mused, “if I study these seven common denominators and harness them in my own life?”

The rest is history. “The Seven Decisions,” as he calls them, were the engines used to carry Andrews’ life in a different direction. And twenty-plus years later, these same Seven Decisions became the outline around which he built the story of The Traveler’s Gift and the basis of his PBS television Special.

Here are the list of the Seven Decisions that Andy shares:

1. Taking Responsibility for your own Life
2. Seeking Wisdom
3. Becoming a Person of Action
4. Having a Decided Heart
5. Choosing to be Happy
6. Choosing to make Forgiveness a part of your life
7. Persisting without Exception

In the Podcast, Andy goes into more detail about many of the seven principles and shares some captivating stories as well. The interview starts about 5:20 in.

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Knapsacks and Boulders

Post written by Steve Otto. Follow me on Twitter.

photo courtesy of rebonnett

I’ve been reading Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend and I want to point out one of my favorite lessons I’ve learned from the book so far which they discussed early on in Chapter 2: What Does a Boundary Look Like?

One of the things we all struggle with when it comes to boundaries is learning when we should help, or put another way, when it is our responsibility to step in and assist. Especially as a Christian, we can place a lot of guild on ourselves for not helping others every single time we are asked. So when is it right to help others, and when should we draw a line?

The authors go right to scripture to determine this difference. The first scripture they look at is Galatians 6:2, “Carry each others burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”

This verse seems to show how we need to help others. And it may be easy to think we need to help all the time. But just a few verses later we read in verse five, “each one should carry his own load.”

Townsend and Cloud explain these two verses in more detail by looking at the Greek words for burden and load.

“The Greek word for burden means “excess burdens,” or burdens that are so heavy that they weigh us down. These are like boulders. They can crush us. We shouldn’t be expected to carry a boulder ourselves! It would break our backs. We need help with the boulders = those times of crisis and tragedy in our lives.

In contrast, the Greek word for load means “cargo,” or “the burden of daily toil.” This word describes the everyday things we all need to do. These loads are like knapsacks. Knapsacks are possible to carry. We are expected to carry our own. We are expected to deal with our won feelings, attitudes, and behaviors, as well as the responsibilities God has given to each of us, even though it takes effort.”

Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend. Pg 33.

Later in the book they describe how always helping someone out by carrying their knapsack for them is actually going to end up hurting them. For example, parents who always rescue their children any time they need any sort of help end up hurting their children.

Their children never learn from the consequences because the parents always assume them for the child. You need to love your children enough to let the experience the consequences – or rather – carry their own knapsack.

There are times when we need to step in and help someone who is struggling with a boulder and there are times when we need to step back and let someone carry their own knapsack. The key is to recognize the difference and love them enough do the right thing.

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Why are you working so hard?

Post written by Steve Otto. Follow me on Twitter.

photo courtesy of wili_hybrid

Some of us are very lucky to enjoy what we do for a living. A few of us loathe what we do. But many of us fall somewhere in the middle. We find ourselves in a job that pays our bills, we work with mostly good people, and the work itself is tolerable. It’s not necessarily our passion, but it’s tolerable.

At what sacrifice? If you have found what your passion is and you are able to chase after it, then kudos to you. You are very blessed and should be thankful for what you have. I am in this position with my Wedding Entertainment business. When I started, I quickly found that I absolutely love being a part of someone’s wedding day and helping couples to celebrate one of the most meaningful days of their lives. Though it is not my full time job, it is doing extremely well and has earned me more than my computer programming job the last several years.

While it is a passion of mine – it still falls below my family. Which I believe any job should, ministry included. It is far too easy to get caught up in your work or passion and sacrifice something for more important, like family, or your marriage. It is not uncommon to see a businessman’s marriage fall apart as he climbs higher up the corporate ladder. It’s very easy to become consumed by your work – and forget the very reason why you are working.

What are your Credentials? It’s just as easy to get caught up in titles or position as it is your work. Things like those little titles after your name. The position you hold. Your list of degrees. Achievements proudly displayed on your wall. These are things that are easy to chase after, but the time they take away from your family may hurt the most important credentials you may hold. Husband. Wife. Dad. Mom.

It is your work in life that is the ultimate seduction.
- Pablo Picasso

Avoiding the trap. Whether you are passionate about your work or not, it’s very easy to fall into a trap. What trap is that? The trap in thinking that if you work a little bit harder and sacrifice a little more time with your family, you’ll reach a point where you’ll have plenty of time with your family. A few years ago, I remember falling into this trap. I began devoting way too much time into my business because it was showing signs of success. My thoughts were that if I work just a little bit harder I will reach my goal more quickly of being able to leave my current full-time job and DJ full time. Then I could spend more time with my family. Do you see the problem here? I was spending less time with my family so that I could spend more time with them? I thought I could get there more quickly if I worked harder. But I was hurting the very thing I was working for.

Finding balance. The key is to give the important things in your life the time they deserve now. Whether you love your work or see working harder as a chance to get to the light at the end of the tunnel, don’t forget to take care of the other,often more important, things in your life. I’m not recommending that you stop working hard. I am recommending that you limit the amount of time you give to your job or career or ministry.

Be honest with yourself. Are you investing more into your work than you are into your marriage and your children? Are you bringing your work home, but not bringing home any flowers? Do you say no when your kids ask you to play, but say yes to every request from your boss? It’s easy to do. I find myself doing these very things all too often and I have no doubt that my family is more important than my work. What degree would your kids give you as a parent? Would you be a high-school dropout or working on your Doctorates?

Do you remember why you are working so hard? Make the changes you need to right now to put what’s important back at the top of the list.

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Use a 6×6 to accomplish more

In his book Axiom: Powerful Leadership Proverbs, Bill Hybels talks about creating a 6×6 to accomplish the 6 most important tasks of the next six weeks.

Bill Hybels found that by narrowing all of your tasks down to the six most impacting tasks and giving yourself six weeks to accomplish them, he was able to keep focus much better and accomplish much more. Why six weeks? For him, six weeks was just the right amount of time. Any shorter and its hard to accomplish anything big. Any longer and its hard to keep that pace up. Why six tasks? Its very easy to get distracted with lots of urgent items that pull you away. By focusing the six goals that you need to get done it provides you with purpose and focus. It allows you to say no to other tasks that would normally distract you, and you’ll find that you get much more accomplished when you focus a smaller list.

Try it out. Maybe a 6×6 isn’t the best for you. I’ve found a 4×4 works much better for me. It gives me a better idea of the due dates. Its easier for me to think of my tasks for the month. I know exactly how much time I have left.

The key is to find what works best for you. If your tasks are much bigger in scope, try a 2×6. If you don’t have any large tasks, but would like to knock off a lot of smaller projects, try a 6×2.

Whatever you choose, be sure to write it on paper and set due dates. I would also recommend reading Axiom. Its a great book with a ton of short chapters full of great leadership ideas.

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5 attributes of a good leader

Being in the wedding industry, my wife and I have the experience of working at a lot of different venues. One of things we first notice as we enter each facility is how we are welcomed and treated by the staff. In almost every case, we have found that the attitude of the staff is a reflection of their manager’s attitude. If the staff we first encounter is pleasant and warm, we can usually expect the banquet manager is pleasant and warm. If they are gossipy, rude, or otherwise negative, then our fears are usually correct that the banquet manager has the same negative attitude. 

We recently worked for the first time at a nearby Country Club and we were amazed at how much the staff went out of their way to treat us. They would run to hold a door for us. They constantly checked with us to see if we needed drinks, assistance, anything at all. Any request we made was a pleasure for them to fulfill. We enjoyed our evening so much we had to compliment the banquet manager at the end of the night on, not only her attitude, but the attitude of all of her staff.

Here are some practical steps you can do based on her philosophy she shared and what we’ve experienced, in order to create a winning team.

Lead by Example. There are a few key ingredients here. First of all, she displayed the attitude that she wanted to see in all of her staff. I can’t think of any situation I’ve been in, where an involved manager displays a negative attitude, and the rest of the staff displays a positive attitude. Another ingredient was her being involved. She didn’t sit back and watch and direct her staff. She was involved in every aspect of the evening with them.

Make expectations clear. It is important that each team member knows exactly what is expected of them. With weddings its fairly easy. She wanted her team to do whatever was necessary to treat the guests as…well guests. They were all there for a celebration and it was the staff’s responsibility to help them enjoy the celebration. And that meant having a positive attitude.

Let them see the bigger picture. The staff knew that they weren’t there just to clean up plates with leftovers or to serve water. But they were there for someone’s once in a lifetime wedding day. Its very easy in any job or organization to forget why you are providing a specific service and to focus simply on your own wants and needs. When you lose sight of the bigger picture your attitude changes. So remind your staff frequently of the bigger picture.

Remove non-team players. Likely one of the most difficult tasks, but very essential, is to fire, or otherwise remove, any person on your team who goes against your team’s goals and attitude. I’m not saying the first time someone disagrees with you, to fire them, but if you have someone on your team with a history of causing problems, its best to let them move on to another job. You owe it to the health of the rest of your team.

Praise in Public / Criticize in Private: Reward the actions you want to reinforce. Rewarding can be as simple as a word or praise, or something more tangible like a bonus or time off. They key is to recognize when someone is doing something great. This not only encourages that particular person to continue their excellence, but it also shows every other staff member an example of how they can perform. You would think it would be similar with criticizing, but there is one key difference. You can still make your correction and point in private, but without embarrassing them in front of their peers.

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