Adventures in Awful: CSI Miami

Post written by Pete Strub.

I am so excited about this week’s Adventure in Awful. CSI Miami holds a special place in my heart. It is one of the most poorly written and acted shows on television, and I can’t get enough of it. It is half drama, half unintentional comedy. It’s kind of like eating Kraft Macaroni and Cheese: you know it’s not high quality, but man is it enjoyable. Most of the plots have more holes than the Bills’ defense (ah, making fun makes the losing hurt less). If the methods they use to catch killers were actually possible, there would be no crime in our world. On a weekly basis, they perform an impossible miracle of science.

Aside from the plots, there is also the wonderful portrayal of Miami. Before we even see a single actor or landscape shot, Bridget and I can recognize a CSI Miami clip by the unmistakable orange tint and the parade of over-made-up, botoxed rich women. Above all, however, the highlight of the show is watching the pure-cheese acting of David Caruso playing tough guy Horatio Caine. I love that he stands sideways in every single scene, never facing anybody. I love how he takes his sunglasses on or off to accentuate every dramatic moment. And I love his one-liners. Man do I love his one-liners. If the show didn’t bother Bridget so much, I would wander around our house standing sideways and throwing out one-liners like Horatio every night. It would never get old.

I honestly don’t even know if I have a point with this whole thing; I just knew I needed to tell you about CSI Miami. I guess the point would be that it’s good to have something cheesy in your life. It makes you smile; It reminds you that there is room in this world for laughter; it reminds you that there are people stupider than you out there. Before you leave this webpage, please watch this YouTube video. It is a wonderful montage of David Caruso one-liners. You will smile – guaranteed.

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