Two Words You Never Want to Say

Post written by Patrick D’Ambrosio.

So I have not had a hand in social online prodigal. My first attempt at posting here I forgot to introduce myself.  With is the cardinal rule in writing, I never made the audience feel comfortable with me.  This is even after I was encouraged to do so.  Let me start here, I am a man who makes mistakes and then makes the same mistake again.  Before that I’m a Christian first and foremost.  I’m a newlywed, I’ve been married for one year and am beyond joyful to be expecting a baby with my incredible wife.  I’m an avid movie/television watcher/book reader, history enthusiast, a novice cook and all around imperfect human. And as I said, I am one who makes mistakes everyday.  Usually by the fourth or fifth time I get it right.  Right now I’m sorry.

I thought about this for a moment when I was watching a recent television program.  This is what I do I watch movies, film, plays, read books and I see great illustration about life from the characters and stories.  Well in this particular story a man who has wronged another finds out the old sage knowledge from listening to his daughter (an old story technique) confide in him about how her boyfriend was late for a date and then tried making excuses regarding it.  She then asks, “Why do boys do that”?  As well as it being a semi-sappy father daughter moment it was an epiphany for this one character who realized that he needed to apologize for his own action.

Then it got me thinking.  How easy is it so say you are sorry?  And I’m not talking about those empty words you were forced to say to your stupid little brother after you gave him an atomic wedgie.  I’m referring to the moment you come to the conclusion that you’ve said something or done something that you regret, because your actions have affected someone.  Feeling empathy for your fellow human being is one of the things that make us human.

Some people see that apologizing is a sign of weakness.  You can concede your higher ground if you let someone else know that you were in the wrong.  But is it worth it to be on the top when you are all alone.  Is it so bad to admit that you are human?  I know in my past year of marriage I could have stopped a few arguments if I just conceded in my mind that I did things that were wrong and then verbalized it to my wife.  Sure part of me thinks as a husband I need to be strong and in the right.  As a woman I can only imagine that you too don’t want to be overpowered by your spouse, so continuing to stand your ground may seem like a good idea, but at what cost.

There was a Jim Henson inspired live action  television show years ago named Dinosaurs (youtube it if you like) where all dinosaurs lived like humans with modern “Flintstone like” technology.   In one satire episode the dinosaurs from one land have a disagreement with another group of dinosaurs and they come up with the brand new idea of W.A.R. an acronym for WE ARE RIGHT.  Isn’t that the way we feel sometimes when we do things that we do.  We justify ourselves everyday.  Think about it, unless you self loath your existence you see yourself as the star of the movie of your life.  You imagine that you have insight into everything you do and it’s everyone else who doesn’t understand, isn’t doing it right, acting poorly.  Sure you may be the hero in your life but you may be the villain in everyone else’s.

You must also consider the fact that if you can’t apologize you have a weakness to you.  So show strength today, say you’re sorry.  And remember, saying your sorry doesn’t mean you will get an “apology accepted” back…this is not the point of it all.

Thinks to keep in mind when choosing to Apologize:

1) Do it quick-prolonging the moment you let someone know you are sorry will only make the situation worse.  Also you may miss your window of opportunity.

2) Admit what you did. (be clear don’t give a half truth)

3) Express your sorrow. Don’t fake it (even a sliver of uncertainty of the part of the victim will burn you).

4) Be sincere by speaking from the heart and feeling the victim’s pain.

5) Give your victim the opportunity to vent their feelings.  It’s a process and can benefit you both

6) Make up for the harm you’ve done by taking corrective action, offering compensation, or making restitution. If you steal a cookie, give a cookie back and you better make it a good cookie, not any of those dollar store generic cookies.  If you said something horrible, remember that the next time and every time you open your mouth.

7) Learn from the experience. Every moment can be a learning experience be better than you are today.

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