Comfortable

Post written by Steve Otto. Follow me on Twitter.

I’ve been giving our son his haircuts pretty much since he’s been born and each haircut proves to be quite an adventure. The routine is pretty much the same every time. Place a stool about four feet in front of the TV. Turn on a video or cartoon he likes. Have about four lollipops ready for him to cycle through. And then for the next hour, yes its usually about a full hour, I go to battle with Jake over his hair.

He hates the razor so I try to use the scissors on as much of his hair as possible. Anytime the razor gets close, his shoulders instantly come up to his ears protecting his neck and ears from the funny tickle it gives. I usually try to get his hair slightly damp, because its easy to cut, but if a drop of water or a clump of hair happens to fall on his lap, he screams bloody murder.

The climax of our dual is the point when I try to trim the hair on the back of his neck. I’ve tried so many bribes that if Jake actually accepted them, he’d be driving a Bentley right now and I’d be his butler. The battle usually ends with either Amy holding Jake’s head down while he screams and cries and I quickly shear as much as I can, or he walks around with a mane on the back of his head and wears collared shirts for the next month.

A few days ago I was on my way to my thrweekly (every three weeks) hair appointment and Amy said to check if Sal, my authentic Italian Barber, had an opening after me for Jake. We weren’t sure this would be worth the money if Jake gave the same resistance to Sal as he does to me. Not only would this be embarrassing, but I pictured Jake coming home with a half-shaved head, full price haircut, with me finishing the job with an even more frustrated Dad and Son. It was worth a try, we thought.

Amy arrived a little before Sal was finished with me and Jake and Hannah sat and watched as Sal so easily performed his craft, that I tried to mimic at home with Jake. I could hear Amy whispering to Jake to take note of how still Daddy was sitting as well as the other patrons. I could see Jacob’s bright little face in the mirror as I sat and we smiled back and forth. Then came time for Jacob to take the chair. This was the moment of truth.

Sal placed the booster seat on top and as Jacob sat down, he floated the cloth cape over top of him and powered the seat up another foot, giving Jacob a quick ride. Jacob must of appreciated this experience right from the beginning as this was a certain step up from the crappy stool and trash bag Dad uses at home.

For the next twenty minutes Amy and I sat in awe as Jacob was a perfect statue. He sat so still, in fact, that Sal informed me he was better behaved than I normally am. It was amazing and it was well worth any amount of money to not have to face our blood boiling battle that Jake and I face every so often. As a bonus, Jake’s hair has never looked better. No straggly hair on the back of his next and around his ears. No ‘homejob’ style haircut, but rather a nice looking style. And two proud parents.

After watching those twenty minutes of magic, I recognized something that happens very often in families. We get comfortable with each other. When we deal with other people – the people we work with, our friends at church, people around town – we give them our best. But its easy to get home and be a little too comfortable with our family. We say things we are thinking that we would never say to someone we see once a week. We forgive really quickly those at work, but hold our spouse and children to the highest of standards. In some ways, this being comfortable is a good thing. We need to be completely transparent with our spouse and family. We need to be totally open and honest. But at the same time we need to give them the same respect that we give our church friends or coworkers. We should be much quicker to forgive the person you vowed to spend the rest of your life with, than the person who sits four cubes down.

So I’m going to make an effort to get comfortable in my love and openness with my family, but become uncomfortable with my criticism and judgment. It’s no easy task – facing years of bad habits and human nature, but I owe them my best.

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