Fully Poseable Jesus!

Post written by Pete Strub. Pete writes a weekly article published every Thursday.

At Target this afternoon, my wife and I were in the process of buying a nifty spice rack for my friend’s wedding when we stumbled upon a Jesus action figure in the kids’ toys. A Jesus action figure isn’t something you see every day, so we had to stop and take a look. “Fully Poseable!” “I Talk, Try Me!” the box claimed. I stared for a while, trying to figure out if the toy is supposed to be a joke or not, but it is clearly no joke. After examining the Jesus action figure, I looked around and found a Peter action figure, a Paul action figure, and a set of Bible hero figurines with the title Tales of Glory. My wife and I looked through the toys and at first I really wasn’t sure what to think of them. Are action figures of the Bible a good thing?

Dashboard Jesus
In my second year of teaching, some of my students who knew of my religious beliefs bought me a Dashboard Jesus for Christmas. Dashboard Jesus is a plastic figurine of Jesus that adheres to your dashboard and bounces around on a spring while you drive. When they gave me the toy, they stood back to see my reaction which I find very interesting. This group of students, who were not necessarily religious, knew that a toy called Dashboard Jesus bordered on sacrilegious and I could have been offended by their gift. Lucky for them, I thought the gift was great. They may have found humor in it, but they had purchased a gift for me of something I care about, so I told them I loved it and brought it home with me. But I could never bring myself to actually stick Jesus to my dashboard. There’s just something about a plastic Jesus bobbing around to the music on my car stereo that seems a touch belittling for the son of God. They make other Jesus-themed joke toys, too. My friend just received a Pocket Jesus for his birthday. It is a one-inch tall plastic Jesus that can be kept in your pocket and it came with a bumper sticker that read, “Stop, drop, and roll won’t work in Hell!” In some ways I think toys like this are good. They poke fun at religious fanatics who need objects, pictures and bumper stickers to show everybody how much they love God, like the guy I worked with at a landscaping company whose car had two-foot by three-foot decals that said things like “Turn or Burn,” and “Repent or Perish.” People like that need to be made fun of (I’m not sure if that’s really a nice thing to say, but it’s true in my head). There is still something about a little plastic Jesus, however, that makes me feel uneasy. All of these joke toys are given with a wink, nudge, or laugh that basically says it’s fun to belittle God – probably not a good game to play with the creator of lightning bolts, hurricanes, and earthquakes.

I think Samson’s juicing
With this uneasiness in mind, I went home to research the Tales of Glory figurines. It turns out that there is quite a selection of figurines and action figures. Aside from the aforementioned Jesus, Paul, and Peter, there is a David, a Goliath, a Samson (who looks like he has been sharing meds with Barry Bonds), a Moses, a Noah, a Gideon, and the list goes on. There are even P31 dolls based on chapter 31 of the book of Proverbs, a chapter about the ideal women. You can check out all of the toys at www.one2believe.com . For the most part, the toys look like high quality toys. Aside from the talking Jesus, there aren’t too many frills, but they toys are attractive looking, and I can imagine kids enjoying playing with them and acting out the accompanying story booklets. Probably the weakest toys are the P31 dolls. In an attempt to make modest female dolls, the company somehow made female dolls that look like they belong in Bride of Chucky. Very unfortunate. Overall, though, I was impressed, so I began to think about the implications of making action figures out of Bible characters. I think there is a major difference between the Dashboard Jesus and the action figures I saw in the store today. For adults, making a plastic Jesus amounts to a joke, but for kids, a plastic action figure is one of the highest compliments you can pay to a person or story. When the stork brings my wife and me a baby someday, I hope it brings a complete set of biblical action figures along, especially ‘Roid-Rage Samson.

P.S. One little complaint
Alright, so as great as these little toys are, I do have a little complaint; It’s actually a big complaint, one of my pet peeves. When I read the One2believe website, the description of the P31 dolls said, “P31 dolls were specifically designed to provide a Bible-based, Christian alternative to other secular toys on the market.” And that just bugs me. For some reason Christians (and I’m one of them) feel a need to make an alternate version of everything. The slogan for those P31 dolls may as well be, “It’s not nearly as cool, but it’s safe!” I think they are selling themselves short. They could be just as cool, if not cooler. They could be outselling the competition, buying out the Bratz line, and renaming them the Daughters of Rahab. Instead, they have to slap the Christian label on it, almost like an apology for inferior quality. It’s like Christian music. Have you ever had someone tell you about a Christian band that sounds just like the secular band you love so much? Christian music’s slogan may as well be, “Plagiarism! It’s the best we can do.” Why can’t we just make good stuff – good toys, good music – and not put the Christian label on it? Isn’t there more to Christianity than being the safe alternative?

Anyway, the toys are cool. Buy some for your kids.

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