Dinner: From Chaos to Calm

Post written by Steve Otto. Follow me on Twitter.

If your children are anything like ours, then your time around the dinner table is not just dinner…it’s dinner and a show. Family dinner time is very important to my wife and I, but it does come at a price. For some reason our children seem to have a secret mission to see if they can make Mom or Dad spontaneously combust.

Here are some experiences we have learned around our dinner table.

Comedy Hour. Somehow along the line our children got the idea that dinner time was not dinner. But more of a comedy show in which you resort to any level of chaos to make the table laugh. This is probably our own doing as we unknowingly encouraged humor by laughing at the many funny moments that happen with little ones. Now its not uncommon to see my wife or I turning away to hide our tears of laughter, so as not to promote open mic night, as Jacob shares his rendition of singing twinkle twinkle little star, while drumming with spoons on his bare chest. In this we are a team. While one of us buckles in laughter, the other can usually conjure up enough sternness to explain that ‘privates’ are ‘privates’ for a reason and its inappropriate to drum on them with spoons.

The Window Seat. We have a large window in our dining room with a great view of the back yard. However, the kids quickly found that they can see their reflection in the mirror so they can not only be the star of the show, but also their own #1 fan. They are content to ignore their food and create every sort of funny face you can imagine. This personal feedback can also be found on the side of a large pot, which makes it all the more amusing for them to see their face distorted by the curvature of the pot. Other discoveries are their reflection in spoons, their distorted hand when viewed from behind a glass of water or in the glass of water, and their reflection in the brushed steel of the light fixture hanging from above our table, which of course can only be seen while standing on the table.

Resorting to Prison Tactics. When one of our two kids gets really out of hand I’ve been known to pick up that child, while still in their chair, and relocate them to the kitchen, just behind the counter, which puts an abrupt stop to their comedy show. This isolation method, of putting them in ‘the box’ lays a lovely blanket of serenity over our house.

The Welcome Home Attempt. Occasionally my wife will work a later shift and I make it my goal to have dinner ready when she arrives with the kids sitting calmly and nicely in their chairs. My first attempt to achieve calmness was to entice my kids to become the wait staff. Hannah would bring the plates, once my wife was seated, and Jacob would be waiting at the door, towel folded over his left arm, and show my wife to her seat. So after rehearsing this process 16 times – no less, no more – my wife arrived home. As she opened the door and her and Jake made eye contact, Jacob threw the towel in the air, screamed at the top of his lungs and ran into the other room as if being chased by his worst nightmare.

The Welcome Home Attempt #2. The second attempt to surprise my wife with amazingly calm children waiting for her presence at the dinner table, birthed the idea of the Statue Game. This game works amazing well anywhere. I simply tell the kids to do their best statue pose as my wife enters and the goal is to be such a good statue that we fool Mom into thinking they really are statues. This is the only way I have been able to successfully pull of having my wife enter a room of complete silence.

A Statue Game Evolved. This one I cannot take any credit for. My kids came up with it entirely on their own and it cracks me up every time. They call it the dead fish game. So apparently they lay on the floor and they are fish. They pretend to be dead fish and cannot move, otherwise I, the fisherman, will spot their slightest movement and reel them in – to endure endless tickling. It’s a crazy game, but I will do anything to enjoy several seconds of quietness in our home.

A suitable solution. Finally I come to one solution that is at least not embarrassing for when we have guests over. When we were shopping in a small unique toy shop in Saratoga Springs following a wedding the night before, we came across a small tin box titled Family Time Beginner Dinner Games. The sales lady raved about the product when I asked her, and though $16 seemed a little pricey at the time, it is worth its weight in gold. The box includes about 50 cards with different games on them – all of which can easily be played at the dinner table – that promotes heavenly ideas like finishing your food, being quiet, family unity, healthy eating, listening skills and much more. I thought if even just a few of them were good, it would be worth it, but the majority of them are amazingly simple, fun, and effective. What’s even better is that the kids want to play them over and over. It’s not as if once you play a game then its old hat. We have trouble going through the games, because they want to replay the few games they’ve already learned.

So if you are having to resort to prison tactics, dead fish or statues, or the like to have a calm dinner, this may be just the gift for you. And as a side note – it works great in restaurants too.

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