Knapsacks and Boulders

Post written by Steve Otto. Follow me on Twitter.

I’ve been reading Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend and I want to point out one of my favorite lessons I’ve learned from the book so far which they discussed early on in Chapter 2: What Does a Boundary Look Like?

One of the things we all struggle with when it comes to boundaries is learning when we should help, or put another way, when it is our responsibility to step in and assist. Especially as a Christian, we can place a lot of guild on ourselves for not helping others every single time we are asked. So when is it right to help others, and when should we draw a line?

The authors go right to scripture to determine this difference. The first scripture they look at is Galatians 6:2, “Carry each others burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”

This verse seems to show how we need to help others. And it may be easy to think we need to help all the time. But just a few verses later we read in verse five, “each one should carry his own load.”

Townsend and Cloud explain these two verses in more detail by looking at the Greek words for burden and load.

“The Greek word for burden means “excess burdens,” or burdens that are so heavy that they weigh us down. These are like boulders. They can crush us. We shouldn’t be expected to carry a boulder ourselves! It would break our backs. We need help with the boulders = those times of crisis and tragedy in our lives.

In contrast, the Greek word for load means “cargo,” or “the burden of daily toil.” This word describes the everyday things we all need to do. These loads are like knapsacks. Knapsacks are possible to carry. We are expected to carry our own. We are expected to deal with our won feelings, attitudes, and behaviors, as well as the responsibilities God has given to each of us, even though it takes effort.”

Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend. Pg 33.

Later in the book they describe how always helping someone out by carrying their knapsack for them is actually going to end up hurting them. For example, parents who always rescue their children any time they need any sort of help end up hurting their children.

Their children never learn from the consequences because the parents always assume them for the child. You need to love your children enough to let the experience the consequences – or rather – carry their own knapsack.

There are times when we need to step in and help someone who is struggling with a boulder and there are times when we need to step back and let someone carry their own knapsack. The key is to recognize the difference and love them enough do the right thing.

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